we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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