She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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