i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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