Michael Bay diarrhea
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just high enough for therapy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
