I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
