i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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