walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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