don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i love accidental penises.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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