i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
