I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
