So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
