No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
where are my eyebrows?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
