Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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