Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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