Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
