so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
