it was like his penis was on wheels.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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