Porn is love you can see.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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