stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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