1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
