dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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