I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
