I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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