Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He better not be in your backpack
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
