i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This house was built for laser tag.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry about my life...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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