Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
