I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
