just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
