dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize