How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
And then he peed in my hair
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