Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
