I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
