wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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