Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
