someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
