Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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