you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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