I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
