the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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