Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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