i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
