Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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