3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
