Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
