I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and you said cock pushups were impossible
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
