Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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