Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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