i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
