That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
