It's Friday. Sex?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
