**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
