JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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