Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
