I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
