Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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