My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my poor anus
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
