Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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