And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
