You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
