the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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