I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
