his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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