The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize