btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
