I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
