he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
