You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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