its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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