So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
