Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
