2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize