NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
