If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
