just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
