No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
