i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
