the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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