Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
