So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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