i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
