She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
