hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize