On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
