I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
