afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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