Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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