So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
