"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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