I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
