It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
