I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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