Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
