It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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