OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
