Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
