What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
