do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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