i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
