May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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