Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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