Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
