So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
