I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
