You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
