Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
