Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize