I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
