We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
