You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
