Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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