i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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