Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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