Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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