She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I believe in your delicious
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
