I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
