My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
