Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Princesses don't give blow jobs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize