Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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