So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
